Bear Awareness Week
Yes friends, it's that time of year again.
Bear awareness week.
I don't really know what to say about bears.
They're out there, and I guess we should all be aware of that.
Here are a couple of bear facts.
Black bears are found naturally in my part of Ohio - the hills.
If you encounter a bear you should NOT:
Try to outrun it.
Climb a tree to escape it.
Hide under a log.
Play dead - they will still maul you.
What you should actually do is spread out your arms and make yourself look as big as possible and make a lot of loud noises to try to scare it.
I personally doubt the effectiveness of this method, as I don't think I can make myself look big enough to scare a bear.
The best method is probably make peace with God if you have not already done so, and then run. I know I can't outrun it, but I'd personally rather die while running than die while flapping my arms and yelling at a giant, furry man-eater.
The dangerousness of bears has caused me to wonder why exactly we offer stuffed bears to our children to cuddle with as they sleep. Isn't that like giving them stuffed guns, or stuffed daggers. Just one of the many points to ponder during Bear Awareness Week.
In other animal news, snakes should all be wiped off the face of the planet. They're eerie. I did however find an animal that lives on Phuket Island that eats snakes - the Water Monitor. It even has an impressive name. I guess snakes should be allowed to exist if only to feed these much cooler reptiles/amphibians (I don't think there's a real difference between the two - zoologist conspiracy).
Some more animal fun. My friend Dave's dog, I learned by experience this week, is sexually attracted to my right leg. I actually learned this 3 times, and all the while, Dave was promising me that he had never seen that happen before. Whatever dirty Dave.
Well, be aware of bears everyone, and be aware of Dave's dog. They're both out to get me.
Bear awareness week.
I don't really know what to say about bears.
They're out there, and I guess we should all be aware of that.
Here are a couple of bear facts.
Black bears are found naturally in my part of Ohio - the hills.
If you encounter a bear you should NOT:
Try to outrun it.
Climb a tree to escape it.
Hide under a log.
Play dead - they will still maul you.
What you should actually do is spread out your arms and make yourself look as big as possible and make a lot of loud noises to try to scare it.
I personally doubt the effectiveness of this method, as I don't think I can make myself look big enough to scare a bear.
The best method is probably make peace with God if you have not already done so, and then run. I know I can't outrun it, but I'd personally rather die while running than die while flapping my arms and yelling at a giant, furry man-eater.
The dangerousness of bears has caused me to wonder why exactly we offer stuffed bears to our children to cuddle with as they sleep. Isn't that like giving them stuffed guns, or stuffed daggers. Just one of the many points to ponder during Bear Awareness Week.
In other animal news, snakes should all be wiped off the face of the planet. They're eerie. I did however find an animal that lives on Phuket Island that eats snakes - the Water Monitor. It even has an impressive name. I guess snakes should be allowed to exist if only to feed these much cooler reptiles/amphibians (I don't think there's a real difference between the two - zoologist conspiracy).
Some more animal fun. My friend Dave's dog, I learned by experience this week, is sexually attracted to my right leg. I actually learned this 3 times, and all the while, Dave was promising me that he had never seen that happen before. Whatever dirty Dave.
Well, be aware of bears everyone, and be aware of Dave's dog. They're both out to get me.
posted by Andy at 11:33 PM
2 Comments:
And to think that I was just about to yell at you to make a new entry! Well done! I was unaware that it was Bear Awareness Week, but I will alert the Bay Village media immediately - surely a parade or festival of some sort is in order ...
Bear Awareness Week? Wow! I am soooo behind on today's culture of certain 'awareness weeks'. And to think I only paid attention to 'Shark Week' on the Discovery Channel. Thanks for the info. and I'll make sure everyone I come in contact this week will know that it is 'Bear Awareness Week' Dun-Dun-Dun!
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