Friday, February 11, 2005

A new record

Procrastination is above all a fine art. Disdained among the prideful and abused by the masses, procrastination, in all of its beautiful glory, manifests itself fully only to the happy few. Indeed, happy are the few who soak in the waters of laisser-faire, an attitude that is perhaps France's greatest gift to the world.
Before continuing on with what has made me break forth in praise for this tapestry of time management, let me defend my passion for procrastination from those who would seek to defame it. I unabashedly call non-procrastinators prideful. Why? Several reasons really. I'll focus on two. Non-procrastinators trust in their own abilities to complete projects, leaving absolutely no room for faith. When they finish projects, there is plenty of room for boasting. "I spent 8 hours preparing to write that paper. I wrote 9 rough drafts, and then proofread my paper 4 times, once out loud in front of my roommates." Pride Pride Pride!!! Procrastinators act in faith that it is God who grants wisdom, and that He will do just that when we are most in need. It would therefore be ridiculous for me to brainstorm for hours on end and write rough drafts. Did Ezekiel have different drafts of his prophecies? How about Paul? Did he have formal brainstorm sessions before writing to the Romans? Does anyone think that Jesus ever practiced a speech in front of a mirror? Absolutely not. These were men of faith. Procrastination teaches us to rely on the wisdom that is the gift of God.
Secondly, non-procrastinators are prideful because they think they control what only God can control. Their thoughts are, "If I finish early, I have time to relax." How prideful to think that relaxing times will automatically follow the early completion of a paper. Illness comes unexpectedly, wars don't always announce themselves, and death is no respector of "me-time". I believe James has things to say about those who say what they will do tomorrow, or in a week.
Procrastinators recognize and exalt in the fact that God alone knows if we will go into the city and do business tomorrow. If a paper is due next Friday, how can I assume that I will still be alive on Wednesday? I can't. If I am to die next Wednesday, I do not wish to have spent my last few hours on earth pridefully working away on a research paper. Therefore, faith in God's foreknowledge dictates that I probably should put off doing work that does not bring anyone joy until it is most probable that I will live to see the moment where I hand in that work i.e. the last minute.

It is also necessary to protect procrastination from those who claim to be inside her camp but do not really belong to her. It is necessary to distinguish between the "laisser-faire" (leave to do) and the "ne pas faire" (doesn't do). The latter group (NPF) is one which, under the guise of procrastination, completely avoids work. This is not the goal or the attitude of a true procrastinator. How do you distinguish? You will know them by their fruits. In his struggle against pride, the true procrastinator will not carry out the vain labor of the non-procrastinator, but his work will be of the same quality. It will be on time, and a paper or project presented by a true Laisser-faire (LF) will be indistinguishable from that of a prideful non-procrastinator. The NPF's fruit will be of poor quality and probably late. Procrastination does not condone tardiness or poor quality. In brief, the LF works just as hard as necessary to successfully complete a task. The NPF is just plain lazy, and laziness is not a quality of true, beautiful procrastination, which keeps itself awake many a late night.

What has inspired me to write this? Last night, I was given the gift of beautiful LF procrastination. As opposed to toiling for weeks trying to decide what dreadfully boring topic of French cinema on which I needed to write a paper, I travelled, I read books, I talked to family and friends in the US. This paper did not hinder my joy. Many might read this and say, "he probably paid for it the day before." Wrong! The day before would have been yesterday. What did yesterday look like? Here were the choices I made throughout the day.
1. Skip language class and write my paper, or go to language class - my favorite of all classes. My decision: Language class brings me more joy, therefore, I go to class

2. Skip geography and write my paper or go to geography.
My decision: go to geography. I don't derive any particular joy from this class, but I am no NPF.

3. Write a paper or enjoy lunch.
Lunch

4. Write a paper, or have a coffee.
Coffee

5. Write a paper, or shower and shave (I hadn't shaved in a week)
Shower and shave

6. Write a paper, or test my understanding of spoken French by watching a movie.
Movie - it's amazing by the way how well I understand French movies when I'm procrastinating - a reward for faith I'm sure.

7. (4:00 in the afternoon. Dinner plans at 8:00) Write a paper at home or go to a café where I can better organize my thoughts?
Café

8. (At the café) Read about my horrible films about which I must write my 3 page paper, or read my Bible?
Bible

9. (Still at café) Read about my horrible films about which I must write my 3 page paper, or read John Piper?
Piper

10. Forego dinner plans and write paper, or keep my promise to meet friends for dinner?
Dinner

11. Leave female friend to walk home alone at 11:00 so that I can write my paper or accompany her to ensure her safety?
Her safety

Is this the day of a man tormented by a paper? I think not. I started my paper not a moment too late at 11:30 last night, and finished it by 2:30 by the grace of God. Nothing makes me feel more alive than handing in a decent paper in a foreign language on 3 hours of time borrowed from God.
Procrastination is for you, friend. Give her a whirl. You'll never go back.

4 Comments:

Blogger Nick Nye said...

I'm speechless! Although I think your stance is well defended and thought out I would have to disagree. I'm not even going to try to defend myself because I would probably get beat. :-)

10:13 AM  
Blogger dumples said...

I love it! I'll finish this thought later, I gotta go do something...

1:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I love how Andy (Classy) twists scripture and aspects of Christianity to justify his lifestyle." ~ Natalie Shafer :)

12:01 AM  
Blogger Andy said...

I defend my "laisser-faire" spelling of the word (however weakly) by saying that my English is being invaded by French, and the infinitive just seemed to work better. But since I did attempt to write in English, thanks for the spelling lesson, Chris:)

5:14 AM  

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