Some things just don't go together
When living in a world full of divisiveness, divorce, and war, it is far from surprising to us to learn that there are some combinations out there that just aren't meant to be.
Nick and Jessica, Sonny and Cher, vanilla and Pepsi, any kind of meat and ice cream, homosexuals and republicans - some things just cannot work with something else.
In an effort to be harmonious, civilized people avoid forcing these combinations together. I don't know a soul that would invite a drag queen to a young republican's convention, nor do I know anyone that would try to reunite Tom and Nicole. These efforts, however well-intentioned they may be, can only result in war and/or heartache. Civilized people survive by not combining potentionally inflammatory combinations.
With this in mind, I'm pointing my "shame, shame" finger at Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC for all you young people).
Before I accuse too harshly, let me explain that I am not boycotting KFC. I do not hate them or anyone involved with the KFC organization. Okay, it is common Waverly knowledge that my family boycotts KFC in Waverly, but that is only in Waverly, and it's not so much out of hate as out of not wanting to support certain people (don't overthink this one). But in general, I like KFC. I'm grateful for popcorn chicken, boneless wings, macaroni and cheese as a side, etc. I even feel a kind-of odd connection to the institution, as I have visited the birthplace of KFC and the KFC museum in Kentucky. I've even eaten at KFC outside of U.S. borders. I generally, genuinely enjoy Kentucky Fried Chicken.
My problem is this.
A serving of mashed potatoes.
Topped with corn
Topped with gravy
Topped with chicken
Topped with cheese.
To quote my good friend Christy Thede, "Every time I see the commercial, I throw up a little in my mouth."
These foods are just not made to go together! Can you not see this?! Are people being fooled?! I can't believe KFC hasn't issued a public apology for this yet! What kind of freak would actually put this into their mouth on purpose?
I understand that I'm a bit more particular than most about mixing food. I do my darndest to not let any food on my plate touch (gravy is allowed to touch mashed potatoes and accompanying meat products, but that's it.) I do not allow corn to touch mashed potatoes on my own plate. Plates that I work hard to put mashed potatoes and corn on. I'll die before I pay KFC to commit that culinary sin for me.
Sorry KFC, I give you the miserable failure award for new food invention.
In other food awards, I give an honorable mention to Hall's Fruit Breezers. They're supposed to help sore throats and taste like cream savers. It's true, they are delicious, but I can't say that they did anything great for my throat. But they were so good that I finished the pack and am thoroughly looking forward to my next sore throat so that I can justify buying the oranges 'n cream variety.
Nick and Jessica, Sonny and Cher, vanilla and Pepsi, any kind of meat and ice cream, homosexuals and republicans - some things just cannot work with something else.
In an effort to be harmonious, civilized people avoid forcing these combinations together. I don't know a soul that would invite a drag queen to a young republican's convention, nor do I know anyone that would try to reunite Tom and Nicole. These efforts, however well-intentioned they may be, can only result in war and/or heartache. Civilized people survive by not combining potentionally inflammatory combinations.
With this in mind, I'm pointing my "shame, shame" finger at Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC for all you young people).
Before I accuse too harshly, let me explain that I am not boycotting KFC. I do not hate them or anyone involved with the KFC organization. Okay, it is common Waverly knowledge that my family boycotts KFC in Waverly, but that is only in Waverly, and it's not so much out of hate as out of not wanting to support certain people (don't overthink this one). But in general, I like KFC. I'm grateful for popcorn chicken, boneless wings, macaroni and cheese as a side, etc. I even feel a kind-of odd connection to the institution, as I have visited the birthplace of KFC and the KFC museum in Kentucky. I've even eaten at KFC outside of U.S. borders. I generally, genuinely enjoy Kentucky Fried Chicken.
My problem is this.
A serving of mashed potatoes.
Topped with corn
Topped with gravy
Topped with chicken
Topped with cheese.
To quote my good friend Christy Thede, "Every time I see the commercial, I throw up a little in my mouth."
These foods are just not made to go together! Can you not see this?! Are people being fooled?! I can't believe KFC hasn't issued a public apology for this yet! What kind of freak would actually put this into their mouth on purpose?
I understand that I'm a bit more particular than most about mixing food. I do my darndest to not let any food on my plate touch (gravy is allowed to touch mashed potatoes and accompanying meat products, but that's it.) I do not allow corn to touch mashed potatoes on my own plate. Plates that I work hard to put mashed potatoes and corn on. I'll die before I pay KFC to commit that culinary sin for me.
Sorry KFC, I give you the miserable failure award for new food invention.
In other food awards, I give an honorable mention to Hall's Fruit Breezers. They're supposed to help sore throats and taste like cream savers. It's true, they are delicious, but I can't say that they did anything great for my throat. But they were so good that I finished the pack and am thoroughly looking forward to my next sore throat so that I can justify buying the oranges 'n cream variety.
posted by Andy at 4:09 PM
2 comments
