Silly ice cream. Eco-guilt is for environmentalists.
My summer stints at Starbucks have taught me a few things.
People are ridiculously picky about their coffee;
the best way to deal with dumb people is to repeat what they said in the form of a question and let them realize what they said (e.g. "Would you like to talk to our manager about your frozen coffee drink melting in the July sun?");
and soy milk is actually pretty tasty.
It is this last realization that inspired this post.
After trying soy with my chai tea, coffee, and espresso drinks, I realized that as a milk substitute, soy has its merits. Although I had previously thought that it was only for PETA members who (for whatever reason) believe that milking cows constitutes intolerable cruelty, I have found that I enjoy soy, not as a milk replacement, but to diversify my coffee-drinking experience.
It was at a 4th of July party that I decided that I was ready for my next step in this brave soy world. The party was at Jim and Tiffany's apartment, and Tiffany a fellow barista, offered me a soy ice cream sandwich. I loved it - so much that I went out twice the next week to find soy ice cream.
On my second try, as I was sitting and trying to enjoy soynilla, I chose (unwisely) to read the side of the cup. I'm used to reading fun things about ice cream that you can find on the side of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Made in Vermont, inspired by Dave Matthews, etc. This ice cream company, however, decided it needed to blame me for harming some sea turtles' environment.
Whatever stupid ice cream! I live in Ohio! I've never seen a sea turtle! Just because I happen to enjoy soy ice cream, doesn't mean I hate humans for affecting the world around them. Can't a man eat soy ice cream without the eco-guilt trip?!
In fairness to the soy ice cream manufacturers, the eco-guilt market is flourishing. From carbon offsets, to the complete "Inconvenient Truth" franchise (which is practically a kingdom consisting, I believe, of the movie, the book, the special edition movie and book, coloring books, stuffed animals, Burger King wrist watches, and a small line of Canadian cosmetics), there is much money to be had in making people feel guilty about using anything for any purpose.
Nowhere is this more true than in the film industry. Forget "An Inconvenient Truth." All the interest now is in movies about really cold places. "The March of the Penguins," Happy Feet," "Polar Express," the movie about the penguins that go surfing, and now, as seen on Starbucks cup sleeves, "Arctic Tale." Actually, the real money is in making people feel bad that these cold places are getting warmer (although, in the commercials, the penguins looked really happy surfing).
What's really puzzling me is, why is the world (and soy ice-cream manufacturers especially) so happy about feeling so guilty about the environment?! Is there nothing else to feel guilty about? Jerry Springer? African genocide? Anything? Is the environment the only good or worthy cause? And what is it that makes the environmentally-minded so giddy about announcing their environmental-mindedness?
2 examples of failed attempts to make me feel guilty in the past week:
1. Shark week on Discovery Channel. After watching and listening to harrowing accounts and reenactments of near death experiences with sharks, I then had to listen to how many thousands of sharks are killed by people every year. I was a good 3 minutes into celebrating our victory when I realized that this show wanted me to feel bad for the sharks. Feel bad for the sharks?! The same sharks that tried to eat the people on this show? That's like feeling bad because so many murderers are imprisoned every year. What was even more astounding was that the survivors of these attacks didn't want us to be afraid of sharks. (Perhaps someone should advise the Discovery Channel to use people who haven't been half-eaten by sharks to assuage our fears). After watching that interview, I believe it is evident that one can add stupidity to the list of things that attract sharks.
The next day when I shared this insight with a friend, I had to listen to the insane argument that sharks only attack people when they feel threatened...or very hungry. I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people in prison who only killed people because they felt their backs were against the wall. I nonetheless lack pity for them.
2. The same friend. Upon sharing my opinions of the evils of polar bears (discussed at length in previous posts), he told me that bears really aren't that bad. He then told me that Canada and Alaska aren't scary because polar bears live in the South Pole.
The above map indicates where polar bears can be found. Please note that the South Pole is not visible on this map, and it is certainly not highlighted in green as a place where polar bears can be found. In short, I do not consider this person (who told me how great bears are) a bear expert.
I think one very interesting study would be if there is an increase in people getting eaten by bears in light of all this positive bear publicity. As a wise woman once wrote, "Polar bears and penguins couldn't really get along." My friends, we are the penguins.
In conclusion. Back off eco-lovers. I have never killed a shark, I will never hunt polar bears (although they would not make that same concession for me), and I do not endanger sea turtles! Just let me eat my freaking ice cream in peace.
People are ridiculously picky about their coffee;
the best way to deal with dumb people is to repeat what they said in the form of a question and let them realize what they said (e.g. "Would you like to talk to our manager about your frozen coffee drink melting in the July sun?");
and soy milk is actually pretty tasty.
It is this last realization that inspired this post.
After trying soy with my chai tea, coffee, and espresso drinks, I realized that as a milk substitute, soy has its merits. Although I had previously thought that it was only for PETA members who (for whatever reason) believe that milking cows constitutes intolerable cruelty, I have found that I enjoy soy, not as a milk replacement, but to diversify my coffee-drinking experience.
It was at a 4th of July party that I decided that I was ready for my next step in this brave soy world. The party was at Jim and Tiffany's apartment, and Tiffany a fellow barista, offered me a soy ice cream sandwich. I loved it - so much that I went out twice the next week to find soy ice cream.
On my second try, as I was sitting and trying to enjoy soynilla, I chose (unwisely) to read the side of the cup. I'm used to reading fun things about ice cream that you can find on the side of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Made in Vermont, inspired by Dave Matthews, etc. This ice cream company, however, decided it needed to blame me for harming some sea turtles' environment.
Whatever stupid ice cream! I live in Ohio! I've never seen a sea turtle! Just because I happen to enjoy soy ice cream, doesn't mean I hate humans for affecting the world around them. Can't a man eat soy ice cream without the eco-guilt trip?!
In fairness to the soy ice cream manufacturers, the eco-guilt market is flourishing. From carbon offsets, to the complete "Inconvenient Truth" franchise (which is practically a kingdom consisting, I believe, of the movie, the book, the special edition movie and book, coloring books, stuffed animals, Burger King wrist watches, and a small line of Canadian cosmetics), there is much money to be had in making people feel guilty about using anything for any purpose.
Nowhere is this more true than in the film industry. Forget "An Inconvenient Truth." All the interest now is in movies about really cold places. "The March of the Penguins," Happy Feet," "Polar Express," the movie about the penguins that go surfing, and now, as seen on Starbucks cup sleeves, "Arctic Tale." Actually, the real money is in making people feel bad that these cold places are getting warmer (although, in the commercials, the penguins looked really happy surfing).
What's really puzzling me is, why is the world (and soy ice-cream manufacturers especially) so happy about feeling so guilty about the environment?! Is there nothing else to feel guilty about? Jerry Springer? African genocide? Anything? Is the environment the only good or worthy cause? And what is it that makes the environmentally-minded so giddy about announcing their environmental-mindedness?
2 examples of failed attempts to make me feel guilty in the past week:
1. Shark week on Discovery Channel. After watching and listening to harrowing accounts and reenactments of near death experiences with sharks, I then had to listen to how many thousands of sharks are killed by people every year. I was a good 3 minutes into celebrating our victory when I realized that this show wanted me to feel bad for the sharks. Feel bad for the sharks?! The same sharks that tried to eat the people on this show? That's like feeling bad because so many murderers are imprisoned every year. What was even more astounding was that the survivors of these attacks didn't want us to be afraid of sharks. (Perhaps someone should advise the Discovery Channel to use people who haven't been half-eaten by sharks to assuage our fears). After watching that interview, I believe it is evident that one can add stupidity to the list of things that attract sharks.
The next day when I shared this insight with a friend, I had to listen to the insane argument that sharks only attack people when they feel threatened...or very hungry. I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people in prison who only killed people because they felt their backs were against the wall. I nonetheless lack pity for them.
2. The same friend. Upon sharing my opinions of the evils of polar bears (discussed at length in previous posts), he told me that bears really aren't that bad. He then told me that Canada and Alaska aren't scary because polar bears live in the South Pole.
The above map indicates where polar bears can be found. Please note that the South Pole is not visible on this map, and it is certainly not highlighted in green as a place where polar bears can be found. In short, I do not consider this person (who told me how great bears are) a bear expert.I think one very interesting study would be if there is an increase in people getting eaten by bears in light of all this positive bear publicity. As a wise woman once wrote, "Polar bears and penguins couldn't really get along." My friends, we are the penguins.
In conclusion. Back off eco-lovers. I have never killed a shark, I will never hunt polar bears (although they would not make that same concession for me), and I do not endanger sea turtles! Just let me eat my freaking ice cream in peace.
posted by Andy at 10:46 AM
1 Comments:
I sometimes consume soy-alternative products because I'm a little lactose intolerant. And I think that's the reason a lot of people drink soy milk, etc. So, that's interesting that they think people with digestive problems are also environmentalists. Who knew?
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