Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

I've decided to make the change.

David A. McDonie is no more.
As of last week, I have joined the ranks of F. Scott Fitzgerald, H. Ross Perot, and a list of other greats who have bucked tradition, abbreviated their first name, and wrote out the middle.

I am now D. Andrew McDonie.

I don't know what pushed me over that cliff. I don't dislike the name David. I don't dislike my dad, after whom I am named. I think I just realized that I have to be true to myself, and the true me isn't a David.

I'd been thinking about doing it for awhile. I'd had fantasies in my mind, late at night about not writing out the -avid and adding an -ndrew, but I never really thought I had it in it to actually change it. Then last week at Friendly's, with the support of my Bible Study, when the waitress handed me the receipt to sign, I wrote my big D as usual, and then I just stopped. Stopped! Fini! Game over. D. and then I wrote my big A., and put a big dot behind it. Just before taking my pen off the paper, I said, "No, Andy! Finish it! Write the ndrew!" And before I had time to question this crazy impulse, I did it. In the end, D. Andrew McDonie had killed off David A.

As the week progressed, I've been pausing for just a second after writing my D - a second to remember a life that has passed me by, a life that is no more.

I think, to give myself a little bit of closure on this issue, I'm going to write it one last time, and give it a moment of silence.




David A. McDonie




Thank you friends - until next time,
D. Andrew

Thoughts on Rabbits, Bambi, Coke, and more

Today I finished what must be one of the best books about bunnies out there. I honestly haven't read too many books about the fuzzy little wascals, but while watching "Lost", I realized that Sawyer (coolest character on the show) was reading a book called "Watership Down". You guessed it. The book is about bunnies. Well, it's about bunnies, and it's about people too...one of those deals, but if you get the chance, I recommend it.

I learned many rabbit facts. Boy rabbits are called bucks, girls are does, and children are kittens. Does sometimes may eat their kittens if they are stressed out. If you want to find out more, read it for yourself. Take a look, it's in a book, etc.

Anyway, one of the interesting facts that came back to mind is that rabbits stamp their feet to warn of danger. I think I already knew that, but honestly, it has been a while since I've had classes on rabbit and rabbit life (though I think the college of liberal arts here at WSU is starting a program in rodent and small mammal studies soon). This foot-stomping reminded me of Waverly, first of all, but then it reminded me of Bambi and the loveable Thumper who just doesn't seem as loveable after puberty lowered his voice.

Continuing: As I reminisced upon Bambi and his woodland friends, I had to ask myself, "What kind of freak is Walt Disney?" What kind of monster kills the main character's mother in a children's movie?! Wouldn't that be like Dora the Explorer getting kidnapped and sold into prostitution? What was Walt thinking? I imagine that generations of children from now on are going to be forever scarred.

I wonder if perhaps Walt was going through a dark period in his life. Maybe he had just been dumped by some Minnie floozy, and in retaliation, he not only killed the leading lady of a cartoon, but he also showed boys and girls everywhere that you can't trust women to stick around (GIANT DISCLAIMER - that does not reflect my thoughts on women; just speculating on W.D.'s mental state). Perhaps, this was Disney's way of introducing children to the school of hard knocks. There are other ways to introduce children to this school, and Coca Cola has led the way into that school this year.

Starting this month, Coke has discontinued Vanilla Coke. What kind of freak would discontinue Vanilla Coke? I guess I can't completely blame the Coca Cola corporation. It's not like they actually killed someone of their own free will (GIANT DISCLAIMER - not a theological statement; I'm using the term "free will" very loosely and will roll my eyes at and then promptly forget any replies mentioning it). Coke is a business, and if V.C. wasn't making money, they had to discontinue it. This leaves the blame squarely in the laps of the American populace? What kind of freaks did not buy Vanilla Coke? Was it you? Was it?

In a feeble attempt to put a bandaid on the giant wound that they inflicted on V.C. lovers everywhere, Coke has come out with Black Cherry Vanilla Coke. After an open-minded analysis, my opinion is that it is the exact same thing as regular Cherry coke, just in a different bottle to make people think it tastes different (just like there are some people that swear that different colored M&M's taste different). Anyway, if you like Cherry Coke, double your pleasure. If you miss Vanilla Coke, don't look to this for help.

It has been rumored however that coke is going to start incorporating coffee into a new drink called "Coke Black". Coca Cola, You have my full attention. My friend Emily reports on having made a homemade version of the drink and gives it her full approval. I trust her, since her taste is almost impeccable (she doesn't like Survivor or mayonnaise, so I guess her taste is only slightly peccable). Coca Cola's redemption perhaps draweth nigh.

In conclusion. Rabbits are interesting. Walt Disney had a weird phase (at least), and Coke needs to earn some more points with me before I switch over to Big K.

Take back the word march

The English language sucks, and I blame women.

Okay, I don't really blame all women, though all women profit from this. Names used to describe people are always specific for women. There is hardly an occupation left out there where the name alone indicates that the gender of the worker is male.

For example.
A waiter is now a man or a woman.
A waitress is always a woman.
What's a uniquely male waiter?

And actors? comedians? the list could go on.

Nurses also face this dilemma. If one were to say only "nurse" female is assumed. We have to say male-nurse (contrary to the literal definition of a nurse).

I think what really burnt me up, though, the final straw, was when I saw the combination of words "Homosexuality/Lesbianism"

Call me crazy, but doesn't lesbianism fall under the category of homosexuality? If you've said homosexuality, haven't you already covered lesbianism? Deeply troubled by this linguistic ridiculousness, I diligently made my roommate get out the dictionary and look up terms that uniquely described male homosexuality. The results: nothing.

Lesbians, lighten up. No one's forgetting about you when we say homosexuality. It's a gender-neutral word.

In protest of the de-masculinization of the English language, I am organizing a take back the word march. Everyone who reads this blog is invited (we can play euchre afterwards if there are enough of you). At the march, we will be reciting historically masculine words like mailman, fireman, policeman. We will also eat beef jerky and drink beer.

Time and Location TBA.

In the meantime, I think I'm going to start using French words to describe jobs. They only discriminate some of the time, and the discrimination typically favors men (Doctors and one of the words for teachers, for example are always masculine).
Don't worry ladies, French doesn't forget about you. Women always have a job as a person, or even a victim (two always-feminine words)!

So victims and doctors (get it - ladies and gentlemen?), I hope to see you protect our currently-sucking language, and join me in my protest. I expect to see it on the WSU calendar for 2007.