Mexico, Kroger, and more
Today is Day of the Dead in Mexico. That officially makes it like the sixth holiday in the past 3 days.
Monday, Oct. 31 was Halloween, Reformation Day, and Nevada Day.
Tuesday, Nov. 1 was All Saints' Day, and I think it might have been All Soul's Day.
Wednesday, Nov 2 (today) is Day of the Dead in Mexico.
I think since there is such high competition for holiday slots, they should be rated from least important to most important.
Coming in last, at #6 is All Soul's Day. I don't even know what this holiday is about, much less when it is. I learned today that it's a Catholic holiday, and that's all. No offense to Catholics, but don't you think enough is enough? Isn't every day a Catholic holiday? I mean, eventually we're just going to have to say, "Okay, no more holidays." No wonder priests made good money back in the Middle Ages. Churches were probably the only places that were ever open for business! Hmmm...that sounds like a conspiracy of sorts. I should write a book.
At #5 - All Saints' Day. Once again, sorry Catholic friends, but what the crap? Isn't there already a day for like every single saint ever? Why do we need one for all of them together? We're getting a little ridiculous there, Vatican!
#4 - Day of the Dead. This day has absolutely no bearing on my life. This could be because I'm not Mexican (at least not that I know of), or it could be because I'm so tired of Catholic/Catholic-like holidays that they all start blending together.
#3 - Nevada Day - this was a real toss up between NV Day and Halloween, but I'll be honest. Outside of my last post, and the holiday we took last year in France (which was actually for All Saints' Day), I've never celebrated it. Refer to last post for reasons that it is near and dear to my heart however.
#2 - Halloween - Based sheerly on profit. I owe a lot of calories and cavities to the beloved Trick-or-Treating tradition that accompanies this delicious but somewhat pointless holiday.
#1 - Reformation Day - Despite the fact that I've never gotten candy on Reformation Day (thanks, friends (please note the bitter sarcasm)), this probably is the one that most affects me personally. Not only did it begin the recovery of the true gospel, it gives us a break from the unending stream of Roman Catholic holidays.
In other news, and in the spirit of the recently-celebrated Reformation Day, grocery stores need to reform their automatic check-out lines.
Proposed Reform 1: Bouncers. People with carts full of 87 items do not deserve to stand in my automatic 12-items-or-less lane. Bouncers would ensure that these pests would be properly beaten before being forcibly placed in the long lines where they belong.
Proposed Reform 2: Aptitude Tests. If the first thing you do when you get to the machine is just look at it for five minutes because you're confounded by touchscreen technology, you do not deserve to be in the express lane. If you can't count to 12 (As in, you have more than 12 items in your cart) you don't deserve to be in the express lane. Basically, if you depend on the automated woman to give you her computer directions, the express lane isn't for you.
Proposed Reform 3: Age limit. No one over the age of 65 should ever use one of these machines. They just plainly and simply will never figure out how to do it without the human there to rescue them, completely defeating the purpose of the automatic check-out.
Proposed Reform #4: No items that require I.D. Sorry boys, but do you really need to rush through the express lane for beer? Fortunately, as probably 90% of grocery store alcohol is sold to fratties (the vast majority of whom could never pass the aptitude test proposed in REFORM 2, this reform may prove unnecessary).
Proposed Reform #5: Limit of 5 bills accepted in machine. This will eliminate the malcompetents that tries to pay for 38 dollars worth of groceries with crinkly one dollar bills. Maybe an electric shock could be given to the violators of the 5-bill rule. The bouncers could move their twitching, unconscious, but still living bodies to the long lanes with the old people, the fratties, the people that can't count, and the jerks that don't realize that the express lane is not for full-family grocery trips.
Clearly I've spent a bit too much time in Kroger lately, but the fact is that some of that time was spent there because of idiots that my suggested reforms could have eliminated. In other Kroger news, as of yesterday, Nov. 1 (All Saints' Day), the Halloween decorations completely disappeared, and Christmas has come to Fairborn.
Happy Unending stream of Holidays everyone!
Monday, Oct. 31 was Halloween, Reformation Day, and Nevada Day.
Tuesday, Nov. 1 was All Saints' Day, and I think it might have been All Soul's Day.
Wednesday, Nov 2 (today) is Day of the Dead in Mexico.
I think since there is such high competition for holiday slots, they should be rated from least important to most important.
Coming in last, at #6 is All Soul's Day. I don't even know what this holiday is about, much less when it is. I learned today that it's a Catholic holiday, and that's all. No offense to Catholics, but don't you think enough is enough? Isn't every day a Catholic holiday? I mean, eventually we're just going to have to say, "Okay, no more holidays." No wonder priests made good money back in the Middle Ages. Churches were probably the only places that were ever open for business! Hmmm...that sounds like a conspiracy of sorts. I should write a book.
At #5 - All Saints' Day. Once again, sorry Catholic friends, but what the crap? Isn't there already a day for like every single saint ever? Why do we need one for all of them together? We're getting a little ridiculous there, Vatican!
#4 - Day of the Dead. This day has absolutely no bearing on my life. This could be because I'm not Mexican (at least not that I know of), or it could be because I'm so tired of Catholic/Catholic-like holidays that they all start blending together.
#3 - Nevada Day - this was a real toss up between NV Day and Halloween, but I'll be honest. Outside of my last post, and the holiday we took last year in France (which was actually for All Saints' Day), I've never celebrated it. Refer to last post for reasons that it is near and dear to my heart however.
#2 - Halloween - Based sheerly on profit. I owe a lot of calories and cavities to the beloved Trick-or-Treating tradition that accompanies this delicious but somewhat pointless holiday.
#1 - Reformation Day - Despite the fact that I've never gotten candy on Reformation Day (thanks, friends (please note the bitter sarcasm)), this probably is the one that most affects me personally. Not only did it begin the recovery of the true gospel, it gives us a break from the unending stream of Roman Catholic holidays.
In other news, and in the spirit of the recently-celebrated Reformation Day, grocery stores need to reform their automatic check-out lines.
Proposed Reform 1: Bouncers. People with carts full of 87 items do not deserve to stand in my automatic 12-items-or-less lane. Bouncers would ensure that these pests would be properly beaten before being forcibly placed in the long lines where they belong.
Proposed Reform 2: Aptitude Tests. If the first thing you do when you get to the machine is just look at it for five minutes because you're confounded by touchscreen technology, you do not deserve to be in the express lane. If you can't count to 12 (As in, you have more than 12 items in your cart) you don't deserve to be in the express lane. Basically, if you depend on the automated woman to give you her computer directions, the express lane isn't for you.
Proposed Reform 3: Age limit. No one over the age of 65 should ever use one of these machines. They just plainly and simply will never figure out how to do it without the human there to rescue them, completely defeating the purpose of the automatic check-out.
Proposed Reform #4: No items that require I.D. Sorry boys, but do you really need to rush through the express lane for beer? Fortunately, as probably 90% of grocery store alcohol is sold to fratties (the vast majority of whom could never pass the aptitude test proposed in REFORM 2, this reform may prove unnecessary).
Proposed Reform #5: Limit of 5 bills accepted in machine. This will eliminate the malcompetents that tries to pay for 38 dollars worth of groceries with crinkly one dollar bills. Maybe an electric shock could be given to the violators of the 5-bill rule. The bouncers could move their twitching, unconscious, but still living bodies to the long lanes with the old people, the fratties, the people that can't count, and the jerks that don't realize that the express lane is not for full-family grocery trips.
Clearly I've spent a bit too much time in Kroger lately, but the fact is that some of that time was spent there because of idiots that my suggested reforms could have eliminated. In other Kroger news, as of yesterday, Nov. 1 (All Saints' Day), the Halloween decorations completely disappeared, and Christmas has come to Fairborn.
Happy Unending stream of Holidays everyone!
posted by Andy at 8:15 PM
3 Comments:
Isn't that funny how people ruin good things like express checkouts?
And how come it's only a female voice? Why not some male voices too? Are checkout workers only female?
That's sexist.
Nevada day combined with Halloween always made October 31st a GREAT day. No school on Halloween!!
Andy, don't freak out or anything, but I think you need to run to the store and stock up on Vanilla Coke if this is true (and it looks to be ...) http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9925169/ Sorry to be the bearer of bad news!
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