Today we salute you, Nevada

Today, October 31, might be one of the most controversial days on the American calendar. Millions are celebrating Halloween by dressing up in scary or not-so-scary costumes to ravage the neighborhood in search of enough candy to satisfy us until Christmas candy pops up in the stores (which will realistically probably happen this week. The point is, they'll be getting a lot of candy. Some people will celebrate Halloween by completely ignoring it (this could arguably be considered not celebrating at all). Others are celebrating by renaming it and going to harvest parties. Still others are celebrating by reminding themselves of how self-righteous they are (I like to think this is a small minority, and before the complaints roll in, I don't think anyone I know does this, nor is it directed at anyone in particular; I just think it's likely that it happens.)

Halloween is controversial holiday #1

It is also Reformation Day. Actually, that was yesterday - it's the Sunday closest to Oct. 31, but 10-31 is the day that Luther actually nailed the theses on the door. Clearly, this is also a controversial holiday, because not everyone in the world is terribly happy about the Reformation. More potential cause for unrest on this day.

In light of all the social unpleasantness that surrounds today, what is a peace-loving person to celebrate? I propose to you, let's all celebrate the state of Nevada. Happy Nevada Day everyone!

Some of you may be wondering if I am just making up some random state and naming it their day. This is not true. Today in the state of Nevada, all schools, universities, and state offices are closed to commemorate the day they became a state in 1864. Let me regale you with a bit of Nevada history, courtesy of Kristen Anderson (a real life Nevadienne), www.nevadaweb.com, and www.nevadaday.com.

Let me quote Miss Anderson directly,
"OK, so Nevada was created as a territory on March 2, 1861, in order to support
the Union's cause with its silver and gold bullion (thank you Comstock Lode!).
Lincoln needed to ensure more electoral and popular votes for his re-election,
so Nevada was admitted to the Union as a state on October 31, 1864, about a
week before the national election (he won, by the way). The anniversary of
Nevada's admission is thought to have been celebrated with celebrations and
banquets as early as the 1870's, but it wasn't declared a state holiday until
1933, and since then, schoolkids like me have had an extra day off, allowing
them to party just a little bit harder over Halloween weekend."

Thank you Kristen, for enlightening us with your strange culture and history.

Some of you, dear readers, may be wondering why those of us who live outside of Nevada should care about Nevada History. Just think of where our world would be if Nevada did not exist. Where would we go to gamble our lives away without the great city of Las Vegas? Where would hard-working prostitutes be able to legally go about making a living? Do you realize we'd probably have to go to Jersey if there were no Las Vegas? Where would we fly into to visit the Grand Canyon or the Hoover Dam? And Nevada isn't just Las Vegas. There's also Reno, Carson City, and Lake Tahoe. That pretty much is it, though, but don't let that make you think less of NV.

Today we salute you, Silver State, and this proud Ohioan and future educator from the Heart-of-it-All will be writing his legislators and eagerly awaiting the day when Ohio can be off school for Nevada Day as well as take off school for its own statehood day (March 1, for my fellow Buckeyes too lazy to look up the date on their own).

Remember America,
Nevada History is Everyone's History!

Holiday Stories

Last year my mom's family had their annual Christmas party at my aunt's house.
My aunt's kind of a perfectionist, and she kind of goes a little crazy (not serial-killer crazy, more like Rain Man crazy) when things aren't working out as she had perfectly planned them to go. (This planning typically takes place 6-9 months before the actual event, no matter how big the actual event is, and it is very thorough, down to the minute she plans to fall asleep.) Having a few cousins with very young children at her house did not fit so well into her plans (of course, when do 3-year-olds playing with dishwasher knobs fit into anyone's plans?). As this was somewhat disastrous, this question came about this year: Where do we have a Christmas party for a fairly large family that will be fun for all and accomodating to young children?

The obvious answer: How 'bout a Kentucky prison?

Most families would dismiss this with a laugh. My dad's side of the family (which, God bless them, they're kind of the redneck side of the family - but in their defense, they are the coolest rednecks EVER!)would fall down laughing at the proposterous idea of having Christmas in a prison. My mom's side of the family (infamous for tipping with nickels and pennies) however, saw dollar signs when they found out that the prison would be free for our family.

After the initial stages of denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, I came to accept the fact that my family was indeed going to spend their Christmas party with rapists and killers in Northern Kentucky. Later I realized how exciting this could actually be, as how many people have families that will rent out the prison staff room for their Christmas parties. To prepare for the festive occasion, my roommate and I wrote a song that I would like to share with you. It is sung remarkably like "The Twelve Days of Christmas".

On the first day of Christmas my cell-mate gave to me-
A brief reprieve from sodomy.

On the second day of Christmas my cell-mate gave to me -
2 black eyes
and a brief reprieve from sodomy.

On the third day of Christmas my cell-mate gave to me -
3 French kisses
2 Black eyes
And a brief reprieve from sodomy.

On the fourth day of Christmas my cell-mate gave to me -
4 bags of weed
3 French kisses
2 black eyes
And a brief reprieve from sodomy

On the fifth day of Christmas my cell-mate gave to me -
5 broken teeth (ba-dum-dum-dum)
4 bags of weed
3 French kisses
2 black eyes
And a brief reprieve from sodomy
...
...
...
On the 12th day of Christmas my cell-mate gave to me -
12 hours of bleeding
11 drugs for piping
10 loads of *%@$
9 ladies (kinda)
8 soaps a slippin'
7 minutes in heaven
6 stolen meals
5 broken teeth (ba dum dum dum)
4 bags of weed
3 French kisses
2 black eyes
And a brief reprieve from sodomy.

Unfortunately, my song-writing career ends here. Oddly enough, the prison staff room is already booked the date we want our Christmas party. We're just having Christmas at Granny's again this year.

In other holiday news:
My Mom asked me where we should spend Thanksgiving. I suggested perhaps the gambling boat in Cincinnati or a brothel in Atlantic City. She said we should spend it at our other gramma's, because we might not have too many more holidays with those grandparents (my brother and I responded by singing the theme song to Debbie Downer).

Wal-Mart is fully stocked with Christmas trees, but try finding a pumpkin in late October.

I attended a pumpkin carving party on Friday. I tried to carve a haunted mansion into my pumpkin, and even though it more closely resembles Cinderella's Castle, I remain thoroughly impressed with myself.

Nevada Day is quickly approaching (Special Nevada Day post coming October 31 - great way to celebrate Halloween if you don't celebrate Halloween).

Halloween and Harvest Celebrations

I found myself really annoyed during my education classes a couple of weeks ago. We were discussing the differences between "punishment" and "logical consequences." I know this is a really lame thing to be talking about in a graduate level class, but no one ever said you had to be a brain surgeon to be a teacher. Actually, if you're a brain surgeon, you're probably too busy to be a teacher. Furthermore if you're a brain surgeon, you probably wouldn't insult your own intelligence by sitting in on education classes. I digress. We were discussing the difference when some of us remarked that there is actually no difference at all between a punishment and a logical consequence (at least the kind we were talking about.)

The example given was a food fight in the cafeteria. A punishment, according to our book, would have been detention or suspension, or something like that. A logical consequence on the other hand, would be to make them clean up the cafeteria after lunch for the next week. At this point we argued that making them clean up the cafeteria is actually a punishment, though a very logical one. The professor, being unable to do otherwise, agreed with us, but then informed us that we don't call it punishment because punishment is bad and this is good. I guess this makes sense if you are an education professor.

Many of my more conservative, truth-based readers (okay, I realize only like 3 people are going to read this, and probably all 3 of them are conservative and truth-based) are rolling their eyes in disgust at the mockery of education that that educational discipline has performed. I join them in my disgust, but I unfortunately must point out that I see the same principle apply in the conservative Christian anti-Halloween, pro-Harvest party world.

Many Christians reject Halloween because it has pagan roots, ghosts, ghoulies, goblins, etc. Fair enough. I do not plan on supporting or denying causes to or to not celebrate Halloween - completely not my point. My problem is these same Christians often attend and force/allow their children to attend Harvest parties at their church.

Call me crazy, but aren't Harvest Parties like the exact same thing as Trick-or-Treating?

On Halloween you dress up in funny or scary costumes.
At Harvest Parties, you dress up in funny or religious costumes.

On Halloween you get a lot of free candy or give kids a lot of free candy.
At Harvest Parties, you get a lot of free candy or give kids a lot of free candy.

Trick-or-Treat takes place on a specific night around Halloween.
Harvest Parties usually take place on the same night as Trick-or-Treat.

On Halloween children go from neighbor to neighbor to get candy.
At Harvest Parties, children go from church member to church member to get candy.

At Halloween, people bob for apples.
At Harvest Parties, people bob for apples.

Halloween, as it is celebrated in America, hardly resembles any known pagan holiday.
Harvest parties (H.P.'s from here on out) do not resemble any known holidays.

The list could go on and on, but the point is this. If Christian-ese was a real language, Halloween would translate almost perfectly to Harvest Party. They are the same thing.
It therefore does not seem to follow any good logic that a person should reject Halloween and support H.P.'s. I don't know if Harvest Party'ers are trying to trick us into thinking that H.P.'s aren't about Halloween, but they're not doing a very good job at it. Everyone knows that H.P.'s are the Christian version of Halloween.

Brief break for an analogy. If atheists invented a late December holiday that they called snow parties, where they decorated evergreen "snow" trees, opened snow-presents, sang snow carols, baked snow cookies, and had a giant snow dinner with their families, do you think anyone in the real world would be fooled? They're celebrating Christmas!

Back to my point. It is not logically consistent to reject Halloween because of Christian ethics and then go on to attend a Harvest Party. If one is bad, both are bad, because they're the exact same thing.

One could argue that Harvest Parties don't celebrate pagan gods and rituals
My 2 counter-arguments.
1. NewsFlash - Trick-or-Treat is about candy. It has always been about candy. It will always be about candy. I have a sneaking suspicion that when Halloween was actually a scary pagan thing in Europe, that parents did not send their kids out to go collect candy from the witches that were probably looking to eat children. I think it much more likely that Trick-or-Treat came about after everyone realized that Halloween as it used to be celebrated is no longer relevant.
2. What pagan culture doesn't have some kind of Harvest Celebration? Many cultures are happy to celebrate the sperm/rain watering mother earth to produce her crop-children. This is extremely pagan (and it makes me want to use an umbrella).

So, if you're completely against Halloween. Fine. But don't pretend that going to a Harvest Party isn't going to Halloween. If you have to have some kind of harvest celebration to thank God for His blessings, I think there's something coming up in November that you'll love.